It was like getting head from an anaconda
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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