The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize