Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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