Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize