oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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