Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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