my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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