Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize