5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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