im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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