Tell her she can't have a vagina
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize