Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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