I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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