You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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