You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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