if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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