omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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