Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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