I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize