Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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