Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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