my mouth tastes like poor choices
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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