His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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