dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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