On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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