Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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