I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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