you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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