i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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