I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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