Someone shit on the floor
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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