That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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