I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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