She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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