If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sarcasm needs its own font
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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