Just fell off a train. Bad.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize