dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize