doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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