jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The power of my boobs compel you
You ate ashes out of my bong
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize