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found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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