you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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