Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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