I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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