...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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