we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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