It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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