a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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