Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
