READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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