Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your dad touched me again.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize